Planned vs. Un-planned Time Off

What would I have planned to do if I had known I was going to have a whole month off? Especially since I've never in my life been able to take off 4 weeks in a row! And when I do start working typically it will be years before this opportunity for time off comes along again.

It's funny that if I had been planning this and using PTO time I would've had such a busy agenda planned that I wouldn't have been able to accomplish it all. But having weeks of time off just dumped in my lap, and with no money to back it up it's a whole different story. For example, I live in a house that hubby and I had built brand new 10 years ago. It still has the builder's cheap transparent paint on the walls. This would be an excellent time to repaint the whole thing. I enjoy painting...I even enjoy preparing the room with all of the taping off, and drop clothes. I love choosing colors, paint brushes and rollers, and I like climbing on a ladder. Sigh...but there's no extra money to go out and buy the fun colors...or even flat white paint for that matter. We are saving all of our liquid cash for mortgage payments. I'd rather have a house with the original paint than no house of course.

So, I guess I need to come up with a list of stuff that I want to do for a month that is pretty cheap to do (just in case I am still in this state of unemployment one month from now...or longer).

I can read a book (make that about 30 books that I have been given as gifts that I haven't taken the time to read yet)

I can sew whatever I want as long as it is a straight line (quilts, pillows, curtains, pillow cases)

I can paint pictures

I can draw pictures

I can write letters (the old fashioned way...by hand...ha!)

I can write poems

I can take pictures

I can take walks and bike rides

I can teach the kids to cook

I can grow flowers from seeds

I can rake the rocks in the front yard (that is only funny to me!)

I can volunteer at some charity

I can polish all of our shoes, mend all of our clothes, glue anything that is loose, and touch up scuff marks on the walls

I can do fall cleaning (since I missed it in the spring)

I can address all of my Christmas cards now and be the first one to mail them out! (Oh, wait, I have the cards but not the stamps...hmmm...that a tough one...I sure don't want to write in them all if they won't get mailed...I'll put that one on hold!)

Until next time...

Change: the mirror of the soul

Okay, now it has been a month since I heard the words..."we're shutting down the company and you'll have a job through Friday...Friday...Friday (echos)"

What have I learned about myself in 4 weeks of unemployment? That I am not nearly as self-motivated or organized as I had hoped I would be.

One week of planned vacation

One week of hitting the job search very hard

One week of trying not to get depressed and still searching for a job

And now one week of numbness intertwined with a full freak out episode last night sparked by a conversation that was totally removed from unemployment issue...but nevertheless exposed my fragile state of mind fully to myself...a very effective mirror of the soul.

Sigh, sometimes I still feel like such a kid...like living the bad dreams I used to have every end of summer right before a new school year...I would dream about losing my class schedule and not knowing where to go and eventually missing classes and tests and either failing or getting some pretty miserable grades...I am feeling like that right about now...that I don't have my schedule in life and I don't know where I should be or what I should be doing.

It really isn't any different than any other day...we ALWAYS have our whole life before us...at any given time...it's just that when we have made a big decision (to go to college, to move somewhere, to take a "permanent" job, to marry someone, to become a parent, etc) we can settle in to somewhat of routine and get on with it. When one of these major directions is suddenly interrupted we have the opportunity to rethink the direction we are going in...take inventory and determine if we are going down the right path and if we are going to continue down the same path...or is it a crossroads that we should ponder for awhile? And if we determine that we want to pursue a different path then we take a big breath and step forward. That's the place I'm at...coming up to a 4 way stop. I obviously am not going back down the road I just came from, but am I going to go straight forward pursuing the same career path I was on, or is this a God-given chance to pursue something else?

For anyone who knows me and my heart I would become Mother Teresa and just go out and touch the rejected souls of the world so that they at least had one smile and one hug in their memory. However, it's not practical and it's not even a remote reality since I live in the burbs and have a husband and 2 kiddos that I love dearly. So, here goes again...me and my 4 year degree and 30 years of office experience...where does God want me to go next? Where will His love and light shine through me? Whose path will I cross with that He will have me be there for to flash a smile in the middle of a dark day, to offer a listening ear, or a prayer when hope is waining?

Lead me on Lord. Isaiah 30:21 "and when you turn to the right hand, and when you turn to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way. Walk in it." (World English Bible)

Wi-Fi/Sigh-Fi

Well, here I am, October 22, 2008, still unemployed. The only reason I know it's Wednesday and it's the 22nd is because I have a tiny little calendar with me. I'm at the library using their free Wi-Fi with our old laptop. Since today is the day our home phone/internet/cable was disconnected it's a great use of my tax dollars to be here at the library enjoying being able to use the internet, while sitting at a well-lit table with a power source, in a quiet environment with a/c.

I had to count up how many days I've been unemployed...I was sure it was a month, but it's only been 2.5 weeks today. One of those weeks was spent on a trip that I had planned with my daughter since February. It was our mother/daughter trip for her fall break. My son and hubby went on a fishing trip for their father/son outing.

Last week I had a full week of hitting the job fairs, job boards, online apps, temp agencies, and in-person resume drop offs. This week I have had a slow start at getting up to full speed again. That's where the "Sigh" comes in in the title of this particular blog post. I am tired. The Sigh-Fi is a play on words because things are a bit surreal right now too.

I still have an unshakable faith that God has been, is and will look out for me as His child. If I know how as a human, and I enjoy doing this for my children, I know He is much better at it than I am. I will rest in that knowledge. I am also not naive and I know "real life" happens to all of us. People lose their jobs, their houses, their faith, their loved ones every day. I pray that I have the strength to always hold onto my faith no matter what or who I lose in this life...I have it all to gain in eternal life.

I also have so much to be thankful for. On the trip I mentioned that I took with my daughter the timing was impeccable. Even though we had planned it since February who could've known that we would board the plane the next day after my last day at my job? God of course knew the timing months ago. It was perfect. We got to spend several days with my parents who I love dearly. I also got to see my brother, my sister and her family, my aunt and a cousin, and 3 long-time friends, one of whom is pregnant for the first time and just celebrated her 40th birthday. She looks absolutely adorable pregnant! She is in the class of women that I dedicate this blog to...new moms who are older and wiser when they get started on parenthood.

On this same trip I also got to visit my sister in another state who just moved into a new home...her first home that she can call her own. It is beautiful and she has decorated it and made it lovely. It was so fun for me and my daughter to be her first guests. She made us feel very welcome and at home.

That week of vacation was a true blessing and gave me nice dose of strength. It was a real gift from God and everyone involved.

I am grateful!

A view from a different angle...

Today is Thursday, October 2, 2008. On Tuesday, September 30, 2008 around 7:30 a.m. my boss called me from his cell phone to tell me that his business of 29 years had come to a screeching halt when his lender pulled the plug on him the night before, and that the company was closing down and that as of this Friday I won't have a job. He wasn't quite that blunt about it...he tried to be as gentle as possible in his tone. He and I have worked together for a year and a half now and have a very good working relationship based on trust. After all I practically run his daily schedule (work and personal) and know some extremely confidential info about it. He was as apologetic as he could be, trying to be sensitive to the funk that it would immediately put me and my family in, all the while he was overwhelmed with the fact that he has lost literally millions over the last 12 months and has to face the daunting task of shutting down all that he has worked for over the last 29 years.

This is the first time I've been laid off so it's new territory for me...a chance to grow in faith and see what God has in store for me, for my hubby, and my kids. I do not get paid for my upcoming PTO days, I do not get any kind of severance check. Nothing...just a thank you for the great job I did. And good luck.

As my hubby's business is not doing so well either, and my employment provided our family's health and dental insurance we are going to be faced with some pretty big challenges if I have to be unemployed for long.

I'll file for unemployment tomorrow (I have no idea what that will equal) and I have an interview with a temporary agency in the morning at 7:30 a.m.

Then on Saturday I venture out on a vacation that I've had scheduled for several months...a mother daughter trip to my home state...to see friends and family...that will be good medicine for my soul...hopefully it will renew my mind and emotions and help me get energized to come back and hit the job search hard.

God please have mercy on me...please give me favor as your child...for no other reason than that you are my heavenly father and you can move mountains for me...I understand that kind of love and favor...because I am a parent...and even with my earthly view I can understand that...how much more can you see it from heaven?

Unidentified Flying Objects and Other Things That Interest Me...

On my way to work this morning I saw a flock of birds gracefully performing their morning ballet against the backdrop of the pale blue sky.

I'm not sure what kind of birds they were but as they danced and swirled in the rays of the sun the underside of their wings and bellies lit up in a glistening white. It reminded me of the way leaves on a birch tree shimmer in the wind.

They seemed to be performing for anyone interested, or maybe they performed just for me. It made me smile inside...felt like a little kiss on the cheek from God. He's the only one who would know how much I would get out of watching them...afterall I would feel silly actually telling someone about how much I enjoy watching a flock of birds swooping and swirling in the sky. The whole event probably only lasted about 20 seconds and then they were off to some other geographical point on their agenda.

I was touched and left with a little smile in my heart to have been in their audience.

Water bottles come in handy...

I went biking with my son tonight. He has a very cool 24" 21 speed mountain bike, and I have a very cool 26" 21 speed mountain bike. He got his for his 8th birthday back in April, and I just got mine (a surprise from my hubby...he ordered it by "cashing" in his points from his credit card). We donned our helmets, packed our water bottles and were off.

It's funny (in the peculiar) way for me to spend 1-on-1 time with him in a setting where he is learning. He is a perfectionist (which I can relate to) and is still very emotionally immature. So, when he crashes on his bike he either goes into a verbal rant about how stupid he is or how stupid the bike is. The last time we went biking he did this so many times that it really turned the whole biking experience into a big negative event. It also made me sad as his mom to see him suffer from similar expectations of himself that I did as a kid. I mean really now, how can we expect to just know how to do something if we haven't ever done it before, or how can we be perfect if we haven't had much practice?

There are only 6 months out of the year here where you can do any kind of physical activity outside, and we live on a busy street, and I am an overprotective mom (there, I have admitted it) so I don't let him go off biking by himself yet...all that to say is he hasn't had the same freedom I did when I was 8 to practice his bike riding to perfection.

Tonight before we started I told him no negative talk and no complaining while we were biking. On his first wipe out he started to and I reminded him of the zero negative rule and he stopped right away. On his next wipe out (which was a good one, skidding into the rocks and embedding them into his left knee and hand) he just sat there and grimaced while we brushed the rocks off and watched the little beads of blood forming. I had a small towel and he washed his wounds with water from his water bottle and got back on his bike and road like the wind. Cutting out the negative talk did a lot of good for his confidence tonight.

By the time we got back home we were drenched in sweat, tired, and happy. It was a nice outing for both of us.

Happy trails.

Going where I haven't been before...until now.

Saturday morning...about half past ten...I've been awake four hours already...we took the van in for its one year maintenance required to keep the extended warranty valid. It's six years old (2002). We bought it last year as a replacement to our van that was stolen right out of our driveway.

It was such a shock to walk out that morning (on August 13, 2007) and see the space in the driveway empty. I remember seeing our other car sitting there where I had parked it the night before...puzzled, I walked back in the house and asked my husband "Where did you park the van last night?" and hearing his immediate response "Don't even tell me!" as we both hurried back out to stare at the empty driveway space.

After all it was a 1998 Christmas green Dodge minivan...not exactly a hot item in the stolen auto world, or was it? The police informed us that vans are actually becoming quite popular in the human trafficking across the border because they "blend" in and that autos built prior to 2000 aren't always checked out as thoroughly as the newer ones. We were informed that we would probably never see it again and that they had more important cases to work on. So, we waited the required number of days (I think it was 60) for our insurance company to determine that it was indeed not recoverable, and began the process of "replacing" it once we received the check from the insurance company.

Our "new" van was actually "old" (2002 purchased in 2007) -- but of course that is a theme in my life right now (LOL).

Any way, after we dropped the van off we went to McDonalds and each got a sausage McMuffin (TM) from the dollar menu. The kids played in the play area while I got to sit by my husband and have a quiet moment with him on the other side of the glass wall. AAaaaahhh...so much nicer than the days when we had to sit inside the play room and endure the noise and activity of all the children squeezed in and swarming over each other.

Okay, for anyone who knows me, they know I am a GERMAPHOBE so yes, after the kids played in all those tunnels, and touched all of those video game knobs that have been touched by the hundreds before them, I gave them both an antibacterial handwipe to wash up with. It's all those nightly news informants who have felt the need to tell me about the "scientific" teams they send in to determine just what kinds of germs, bacteria, and viruses are lurking on the (you name it: tunnels, door knobs, shopping carts, dining tables, etc.). Can you say "Eeeewwwwwww!"

That brings me up to this point in time. I have so many things I want to blog about, but I don't want to end up with a 20 page entry. So I guess for now, I'll stop and go make some notes (handwritten, you know the old fashioned way) on what topics I want to include in future blogs.

Thought for the day: "Set your goals high enough so that you have to reach beyond youself."

Go with God.

Future memories...

If you care to join me on this meandering down a sunlit path of my mind...come along side me and walk in quietness...maybe your memories will carry you down a path that temporarily removes you from this world...

When I am doing intensive Internet searches I end up in a place that is all visual and almost virtual. Like a recent search I did on my maternal grandparents...Assemblies of God missionaries to Africa for more than 50 years. I Googled their names and found old archives with articles either by them or about them. I even found a professor at a Bible college that had their names listed on the course outline as missionaries to study. I contacted him through an e-mail asking if he had any information on them that he could share and he referred me to a very helpful lady at the denomination's headquarters. She was very helpful in letting me know what the available resources are.

This comes as a follow-up to a book that my mom just authored about her life as a missionary kid. Between reading her book and reading the articles about and by my grandparents I have been flooded with bittersweet memories of them. I remember when they would come "home" from Africa -- that is how I thought of it as a child -- only to realize now that Africa was their home, not the USA -- they loved the people and the land -- it was a God given love that extracted a great price from them...but I never heard them complain. As an adult I grew to love them more as grandparents. As a child they came and went from my life every 4 years...usurping the authority from my parents when they entered our home...which I resented as a child. As an adult I was able to share a more common view with them, and especially my grandma during her years as a widow. If I think too hard on either one of them the tears well up and my face scrunches up and the sobs begin. How is it that 20 years have passed since my grandpa died, and 7 years have passed since my grandma died and I can still cry fresh tears?

Back to my thoughts on going down the sunlit paths of my mind...I recently came across an address within an e-mail that was sent out to a huge group of people...it looked like it would belong to a couple that I knew years ago (I think it's not proper e-mail etiquette to "harvest" e-mails from someone else's e-mail...but I couldn't pass up the opportunity). It turned out to be the couple that I was hoping for...they lived in Belgium at the same time I did...in my early 20's...I was there on short-term missions. I went through some really rough times and they were so kind to me...just simple things...a smile...a prayer...a greeting...small things that went straight to my heart. I was so happy to get a reply from them. We are going to try to meet up in the near future and catch up on the last 20 years.

The Internet can be an amazing place of reconnection. I pity the poor fools who have fallen into its trappings of demise and destruction. For me it has helped me reconnect with people that I couldn't have (without hiring a PI anyway).

Back to the present...a memory of the morning...

As I was driving to work I called my parents. My mom's cheery voice answered the phone "Buenas Dias" -- we try to greet each other in any foreign greeting we can come up with -- as I was driving I was moved by the sunrise that God had painted for me to view this morning...mountains in the south that were a surreal blue violet decorated with foamy white clouds surrounding the peaks (reminded me of ice cream foam floating on hot coffee) and interspersed were sheets of dull gray rain down to the horizon...then the sky to the east was literally filled with pale blue violet clouds interlaced with big white puffy clouds that broke open in places to allow back lit liquid amber to spill forth in rays that reached upwards toward heaven and downward towards earth...and one spot in particular that was all white...it looked like a perfect opening for Jesus to reappear (please come soon Lord Jesus!).

Sigh...and now it's back to the present...which will be a memory in the future...

Dog Days of Summer Coming to a Close

Today is Saturday. I actually got to sleep in this morning until 8:30 a.m.!! I normally get up at 5:14 a.m. so that was a real treat to get in an extra 3 hours!!! Normally the kids wake up at 6:30 a.m. no matter what day it is and even though they have instructions not to wake us until after 7 a.m. they usually end up arguing over something and wake us up anyway...then we are all grumpy. But hubby intervened this morning...went out on the couch to catch a few more winks himself and made sure the kids kept their voices down (thanks dear!). He made breakfast this morning too!! Ham and egss and bagels. Coffe and OJ. What a nice way to start the day.

The kids are into making fuse bead crafts and were cranking them out all day long. I ironed them all this evening and they each have about a dozen designs. They create their own designs instead of using a pattern so it's fun for me to see their creativity. We're going to make some mobiles to hang from the ceiling with them.

I spent about 2 hours working on "the pile" that has been building up on my desk. I can't even bring myself to put in writing how long this pile has been building up or how high it has gotten. Let's just say 2 hours wasn't enough.

I bought a note pad that says "Don't count the days. Make the days count."

I'll leave you with that.

Hummin' and Strummin'

My hubby plays the guitar..acoustic. He played it when we dated quite often. He had a buddy that played in a local band...they would get together and play the guitar and make up songs...about life. I LOVED IT!!!

Unfortunately, his buddy was killed in a car accident a couple of years after we were married. Everytime my husband would try to play the guitar it would make him too sad. So the guitar sat there in the corner for about 7 years.

Just recently he dusted it off and has been strummin' some of the old tunes. Unfortunately he can't find any of the handwritten notes/music that the two of them wrote. They are probably tucked away somewhere...but where?

Last night he played for about 20 minutes and I just was swept away by the music. You have to understand that I am not personally gifted with musical talents myself...but I have a huge appreciation for music. It moves me like nothing else on this earth.

I am so happy to have live music in the house once again.

My toy box runneth over...

My husband and I have been long time opponents of birthday parties and Christmas mornings that involve more presents than a kid can comprehend. I have seen more children surrounded by bags and piles of beautifully wrapped presents, excited to begin opening the loot that lies before them. They open the first one and start to play with it, only to have it snatched from their hands and another gift handed to them. Mildly confused they comply and start to open the second gift. Again, excitedly they start to play with it, only to have the same scenario repeated, over and over again. By the time they are done opening the 20, 30, 40 gifts they have received their eyes that once shone bright with joy and amazement are glazed over and they have tuned out whatever joy they had started to experience and they have replaced it with the sense of entitlement and the question "What else do I get?"

Consider my family, we have 2 kids, and the original parents (me and my husband), there are 2 sets of grandparents, 3 aunts, 4 uncles, 10 cousins, neighbors, day care workers, school teachers, church friends, and school friends who are all possible sources for gifts. There have been years when Christmas involved multiple gifts from multiple people (including all of the above plus 2 great aunts). The gifts that my husband and I so thoughtfully picked out just got lost in the shuffle. Our kids had so many toys they didn't have room for them. They had so many clothes they couldn't fit them all in their dressers or closets. I was sad when I heard "What else do I get?" I wanted to scream "Aren't the 100 brand new items you just received enough?" Of course I knew that the real truth was that they were too much.

Thus began the campaign my husband and I launched about 3 years ago to ask for no more big trash bags (lawn & leaf size) stuffed to the brim with dollar store items brought over for Christmas. We asked relatives to please limit the number of toys, and please try to focus on clothes or some item of intellectual value like a book, game, or craft. It finally paid off.

For my daughter's birthday she got a reasonable amount of clothing and toys.

It apparently made an impact on her too.

We say bedtime prayers and I asked her to say the prayer last night. It went something like "Dear God, thank you for a great weekend. Thank you for a nice birthday. Thank you that people didn't overload me with toys. Thank you that I got stuff besides toys. Thank you God. Amen."

Yay!

The big day has arrived -- let the celebrations begin!

The big day was today -- our youngest turned 7 today! I can remember the day she was born like it was just last week...

I had lower back pains and was leaking very tiny amounts of amniotic fluid...1 week prior to my due date...exactly like with my first child...only with the first one I didn't know what it was...I was told by my OB/GYN that it was incontinence and that I needed to practice my Kegels and rest up for the big day...only to be in the hospital the next day with induced labor that lasted a day and a half...not this time...we knew what it was, went to the hospital...started the pit drip and had a baby 12 hours later! A beautiful little girl...an 8 lb 1 oz baby...with wrinkly little fingers and toes and fine little black eye lashes and black hair as silky as a mimosa flower.

Fast forward to today, now we have a talkative, bright, energetic brown-eyed beauty of a daughter.

I took a long lunch hour today and went to her school to have lunch with her. I bought my lunch from the cafeteria and sat at the kids' table. All of her little girlfriends gathered around us asking so many questions...asking what my name was, how old was I, where do I work, what did I bring (I had brought a cake for the kids to share that afternoon). I was pleased to see that my daughter's friends all seemed like nice kids (in the past she seemed drawn to the rebel of the class).

Tomorrow is the "party" when we'll have cake, ice cream, and presents! Along with the new bike and helmet we are giving her, I painted 2 t-shirts for her (I'll attach pictures).

In my eyes, it was a good day. I hope that she will have warm memories of her 7th birthday.

Memories, hopes, and dreams...

One of my dear friends is pregnant with her first child at 39...as I read her blog it takes me down memory lane. I was 39 when I had my first child, a son. I didn't journal during that time, and I didn't blog (was blogging popular in 2000? I don't recall). I didn't scrapbook and I didn't take pictures. I was unprepared at how immediately tired I became, in fact both my husband and I were unprepared for me to want to go to bed at 8 p.m. within weeks of becoming pregnant. I don't think this is too uncommon as I can remember a friend in her 20s who had the same reaction.

I can remember when my husband and I decided we definitely wanted children. You'd have to have known me when I was single...all of my friends knew I didn't want children. My mom used to tell me that was a blessing that I wasn't pining away wishing for babies when I wasn't in a position to have one or raise one. So it came as a shock, almost a betrayal to some of my friends who had always supported my view of not having children (it was fine for others but we didn't want to bring a life into this world that is so complicated and uncertain). However, my husband and I decided, after much thought and prayer, that yes we did want to have children. I started taking prenatal vitamins and we began the quest of hoping a child could be conceived without too much difficulty.

I can remember wondering if I might be pregnant but it was too soon to test. I went to lunch with my boss at the time. She was trying out a new grapefruit diet supplement and she offered me one. I declined, wondering silently if I might be pregnant and didn't want to take anything that might affect the quickly multiplying cells that would develop into a fetus. Five days later the pregnancy test was positive and I was so glad I had gone with my instincts -- my hubby and I were so excited to see the double lines on the pregnancy test -- we called our parents first to share the news!!

Within days my bedtime had moved up to 8 p.m. and my poor hubby was left alone each night to try to find some tv show or video game to occupy his time. No matter how hard I tried to stay awake I just couldn't.

I remember both of my pregnancies (other than being tired) were great. I got pregnant easily and progressed right on schedule. There are other elements I'll write about another time that weren't so great -- but every woman has a story like that.

Well back to the present...I have an 8 year old, and an almost 7 year old (just 2 more days) that need to go to bed...as I'm on duty now. My hubby is on morning shift and I'm on night shift. During the week, he wakes the kids up, feeds them breakfast, makes lunches, and takes them to school. I pick them up after school, make dinner, supervise homework, and say goodnight prayers.

It's time for hugs and kisses...one of my favorite things in life.

Lose the training wheels and carry the torch...

We made it through the first week of school!! Yesterday we went shopping for our daughter's upcoming 7th birthday and we bought her a bike -- a big girl's bike -- no training wheels! It's a pretty ocean blue color with the fancy tinsel hanging from the handles. We also got her a new helmet in matching colors. We'll soon be a bike riding family which will be a huge milestone for us. Both kids learned how to swim this summer and now they will both be biking.

Our daughter is a passionate being...she always has been. From the time she was born she's had a personality that can fill a room. She and I are so opposite in some ways, and so alike in others. God will teach me as much as He teaches her along this journey. I have never been so involved in someone's life as I am my children. I tend to be a live and let live type of person -- with very strong values and beliefs of my own but was never the type to sway someone to my side...until I had a husband and children. Since their lives directly impact mine, and mine theirs it has been an active involvement with the kids from the time they could act on their own of giving direction, setting boundaries, and imparting wisdom.

My parents had a saying that if they could impart to us what they had learned and allow us to start from their shoulders instead of from the ground then they had done their job well. Like passing the Olympic torch I pray that I can carry it to the point where my children will take it up and run holding it high and carry it on to their children.

If I only had 6 months to live...

Part of my "job duties" where I work include creating a daily motivational e-mail. The daily collection includes some cool quote that I've come across, some odd holiday or observance on that date, and often times a recipe and a cool picture or graphic. In order to find the 20-22 quotes I need to publish a month's worth of e-mail I read through 100's of quotes trying to find something appropriate for the work place...something that is motivational to the masses...something that is not too spiritual (as we all have varying beliefs), something not too gender related (we are a very diverse group), something not too cultural, race, or income specific (again we are a diverse group), and something that doesn't conjure up feelings of doubt. It's tough...there are a ton of online quotation sites I search through...any way...one impact the daily deluge of motivational quotes is having on me is calling my attention to the passing days that are also taking with them the chance to live out my dreams, passions, and talents. I always seem to default to the old excuses of there isn't enough time, energy or money to pursue them. So what if I only had 6 months to live, what would I do differently? I would hate to hear those dreaded words from some physician who can only guess what someone's remaining days are any way...why can't I just get motivated by the passions, and gifts that I already have been blessed with...the ones that are God given and never go away over the years? I am going to try to rearrange some of my priorities and start incorporating them into my life...some of them again, some of them for the first time.

Here's my list of things I would do if I only had 6 months left to live:

*Go back to Maui with my husband (this time for a month!!!)

*Take singing lessons and make a recording to leave with my kids

*Take piano or keyboard lessons with my kids and play a duet with both of them

*Take drawing lessons

*Take painting lessons and paint at least a painting a week

*Write poetry

*Read the Bible ...the whole thing

*Ride my bike at least once a week

*Write handwritten letters to all of my friends and family

*Sew fancy decorated pillows

*Paint more t-shirts for my daughter in sizes that will last her for the next 5 years

*Write a book for my kids

*Go to Yosemite Park

*Visit Crater Lake

*Find someplace where Northen Lights occur and pray that I could see them just once

*Go camping with my family some place where the sky is so dark that the stars can be seen all the way down to the horizon

*Spend a month with my mom and my dad

*Learn to knit, crochet, and embroider like my Grandmas used to do

*Maybe go back to Maui a second time, for another month (did I mention how much I love that place?)

That's all I can think of for now.

Thank you God for LIFE.
John 17:3

Every tooth has a silver lining...or at least most of them do now...

It's 7 p.m., I'm at the computer, my hubby is in the other room with the kids, strumming his guitar and watching Ninja Warrior.

Today was a trip to the dentist with my son. Wow, is that a statement with some history. Okay, for the facts...he was an early teether...sprouted his first 2 baby teeth at 5 months and every month after that 1 or 2 more popping through. He had a great set of teeth! Then around the age of 3 all of his molars seemed to start decaying. It was odd. My daughter, who is 16 months younger than him had no signs of decay and yet his were declining fast. The dentist looked at me with the kind of look that is supposed to make me feel guilty and asked me if we were giving him Coca Cola in his sippy cups (common in this area of the country) of if we let him eat a lot of candy...or did we not ever brush his teeth? Sigh, I left there feeling like a heel...what was it that I was doing wrong? We helped him brush his teeth daily, rarely let him have a sip of Sprite, and the only candy he got was at day care. By the time he was 4 he had 9 cavities!!!

Thus began the looooooooong path leading up to today. Along that path an allergy doctor clued us in to the cause of the cavities...he noticed "cobbling" in his throat...a sign of heartburn. When he asked my son about it and described the symptoms my son readily admitted that yes he had heartburn, and often. The allergist said that kids typically will think it's just "normal" and not mention it. Funny that I have had to clue many a dentist in to this small tidbit of info.

Over the past 4 years I have tried (mostly in vain) to get those cavities filled. I have had 3 different jobs and probably 5 or 6 dental plans that all required a waiting period, a new patient consult, new x-rays, and the painfully embarrassing moment of when each new dentist saw the massive amounts of decay and went into their spiel about how could we let our son's teeth get so bad, etc. only to look at me with distrust as I explained that the heartburn went on for so long without being detected and was the real cause of all the decay.

Okay, that first try to get the cavities filled was 4 yrs. ago. There was one molar that had a very large cavity. It was drilled and filled first. then on the 2nd visit the dentist noticed my son had a cold and decided not to treat him that day. That was in Dec. In January my insurance changed and the dentist was not on the new plan. Then began the 30 day waiting period, choosing a new dentist, first patient consult, etc. etc. I was an hourly employee at the time and had to be careful about how much time I took off work. My hubby is a self-employed insurance agent, and he had to monitor how much time he was out of the office as well as time out meant no sales. By the time I got my son to the new dentist about 8 months had passed. They took x-rays and decided the molar that was filled first still had ongoing decay and needed to be redrilled and refilled. Can you believe this same scenario repeated for the next 3 years...new jobs, new dental plans, new dentists, new patient consults, new x-rays...and that same darn molar continued to decay and got redrilled and refilled 3 times!!! Sigh, so what about the other 8 cavities I kept trying to convince each dentist to work on? FINALLY, this summer as of today 8 of them have been filled. One more to go!! Just in time for them to start falling out and be replaced with adult teeth.

Hoping that this is the end of the cavity era.

As for my daughter, at age (almost) 7 she is still cavity free!

Here's to the molars!

Surgery, Backpacks, and Splints

My daughter is recovering nicely from her tonsillectomy...with no complications (thank you Jesus!).

Where I work I didn't have enough PTO earned to take the day off so my husband had planned on taking our daughter to surgery and calling me as soon as it was over. I asked my boss if I could take off early if I skipped lunch and he had said yes the day before.

On my way to work the morning of surgery my boss called me on my cell phone and said he wanted me to take the day off and be with my daughter. I explained I didn't have any PTO to use and he said it was more important to be their with her and that he would just give me the day off! I almost cried!! (Thank you Jesus again!). I drove to the surgi-center and arrived just in time to see her being wheeled to surgery with my husband by her side holding her hand. Her face lit up when she saw me and we got to say a quick prayer (the 3 of us) before they wheeled her away. Surgery lasted about 30 minutes and recovery was about 1 hour.

She suffers from night terrors and it seemed like she was having one while she was coming out of the anesthesia. Looking around wildly but not seeing anything, screaming and lashing out and talking about stuff not related to the present time and place (typical for a night terror). The nurse didn't know what to think of it but my husband and I calmly explained that she wasn't fully awake and that it was "normal." She finally calmed down and then became a cranky little girl and then we knew she was going to be just fine.

She had almost a full week to recover before school started this past Monday. She's in 2nd grade and our son is in 3rd grade.

The first day of school our son came home with scrapes and bruises...scrapes from skidding into the ground on the playground before school even started, and a bump on his forehead from running on Nana's hardwood floors and running into her wall (Nana's is where they get to go after school until I can pick them up).

The second day of school went well, and then today, the third day of school the school nurse called me at 8:30 (1 hour into the day) to tell me our daughter had fallen off of the slide and hurt her arm. I talked to both the nurse and my daughter for about 5 minutes and decided to go with the nurse's suggestion of wrapping and splinting her arm and checking on her throughout the day (this is a rough one for me...my nature would be to drive to the school and have a look myself...but I have come to appreciate and trust the nurse as she as seen my kids quite often during the school year). Now that we're home we think that she may have strained it, but doesn't appear to be fractured, or worse (no bruising or swelling, just mild pain)...we'll continue to monitor it over the next few days.

I added a picture to my blog...a portrait that my daughter drew of me. She says it looks just like me. = )

Desert Picket Fences - and other things that amuse me

The church we've recently started going to has a long driveway outlined with rocks that have been whitewashed (painted white)...I affectionately call the rocks desert picket fences. It gives the driveway an inviting look, and looks almost clean in the middle of a dirt yard...kind of funny to me.

Something that struck me funny the other day that I want to capture was my daughter's reference to a nylon bath scrub. I call them a "scrubby" -- she called it a "squashy" -- which is really what it feels like to a 7 yr. old when it's full of soap bubbles (she'll be 7 next Friday so I guess I shouldn't rush it...what is that 6 and 9/10th?).

Happy trails.

Tonsils and other things that start with "T"

Tonsils, Tea, Two, and Three...

It's 9:30 p.m. and I'm at the computer...which doesn't happen very often at home...since I'm at the computer all day long at work!

My little family is in the other room fascinated with an Xbox my husband inherited from his sister yesterday. My hubby, my 8 yr. old son, and my soon to be 7 yr. old daughter.

My daughter is having her tonsils out tomorrow morning. She was scheduled to check in at 8:30 a.m., but as I sat down to log on to the computer I saw that we had 2 voice mails...one from the dr. and one from the surgery center. They had a cancellation and her surgery has been moved up and she needs to check in at 7:30 a.m.! Good thing I saw that we had messages! So, she can't eat or drink after midnight. Our original plan was to wake her up around 1:30 a.m. and see if we could get her to drink or eat...but now we're just going to let both kids stay up as late as they want and let them eat if they get hungry.

I get up at 5 a.m. so tomorrow morning may be a little rough for me if I stay up much longer.

Gotta get back to the fam!

Pass a cup of sleep pleazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Why am I soooooo very tired all of the time? I get up at 5 a.m., leave for work around 6:30 a.m. start work at 7 a.m., get off at 4 p.m., pick up the kids, go home, cook dinner, eat dinner, hang out with the family and somewhere in the middle of all that I start wanting to go to sleep...the bed is calling me...the pillow is calling me...my eyelids are closing...wait! I still have laundry to do! Wait! I still have piles and piles of clutter to deal with! Wait! I still need to say good night to the kids, say bedtime prayers! Wait! I still need to hang with my hubby for awhile...have some spouse time! It all goes waaaaaay too fast, and nothing ever seems to get completed as it "should" be, as in done right the first time with 110% effort (corporate talk ringing around in my head). I need a nap.

New Mom ~ Old Mom

It is what it is. I'm 47 now and became a mom for the first time at 39, and a second time at 40. I now have an 8 year old and an almost 7 year old (in 1 more month). Becoming a mom has been the most challenging and most rewarding experience I could've ever asked for. Here's to all the women out there who are of "advanced maternal age" but who know it's all new territory!