Okay, now it has been a month since I heard the words..."we're shutting down the company and you'll have a job through Friday...Friday...Friday (echos)"
What have I learned about myself in 4 weeks of unemployment? That I am not nearly as self-motivated or organized as I had hoped I would be.
One week of planned vacation
One week of hitting the job search very hard
One week of trying not to get depressed and still searching for a job
And now one week of numbness intertwined with a full freak out episode last night sparked by a conversation that was totally removed from unemployment issue...but nevertheless exposed my fragile state of mind fully to myself...a very effective mirror of the soul.
Sigh, sometimes I still feel like such a kid...like living the bad dreams I used to have every end of summer right before a new school year...I would dream about losing my class schedule and not knowing where to go and eventually missing classes and tests and either failing or getting some pretty miserable grades...I am feeling like that right about now...that I don't have my schedule in life and I don't know where I should be or what I should be doing.
It really isn't any different than any other day...we ALWAYS have our whole life before us...at any given time...it's just that when we have made a big decision (to go to college, to move somewhere, to take a "permanent" job, to marry someone, to become a parent, etc) we can settle in to somewhat of routine and get on with it. When one of these major directions is suddenly interrupted we have the opportunity to rethink the direction we are going in...take inventory and determine if we are going down the right path and if we are going to continue down the same path...or is it a crossroads that we should ponder for awhile? And if we determine that we want to pursue a different path then we take a big breath and step forward. That's the place I'm at...coming up to a 4 way stop. I obviously am not going back down the road I just came from, but am I going to go straight forward pursuing the same career path I was on, or is this a God-given chance to pursue something else?
For anyone who knows me and my heart I would become Mother Teresa and just go out and touch the rejected souls of the world so that they at least had one smile and one hug in their memory. However, it's not practical and it's not even a remote reality since I live in the burbs and have a husband and 2 kiddos that I love dearly. So, here goes again...me and my 4 year degree and 30 years of office experience...where does God want me to go next? Where will His love and light shine through me? Whose path will I cross with that He will have me be there for to flash a smile in the middle of a dark day, to offer a listening ear, or a prayer when hope is waining?
Lead me on Lord. Isaiah 30:21 "and when you turn to the right hand, and when you turn to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way. Walk in it." (World English Bible)
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Wi-Fi/Sigh-Fi
Well, here I am, October 22, 2008, still unemployed. The only reason I know it's Wednesday and it's the 22nd is because I have a tiny little calendar with me. I'm at the library using their free Wi-Fi with our old laptop. Since today is the day our home phone/internet/cable was disconnected it's a great use of my tax dollars to be here at the library enjoying being able to use the internet, while sitting at a well-lit table with a power source, in a quiet environment with a/c.
I had to count up how many days I've been unemployed...I was sure it was a month, but it's only been 2.5 weeks today. One of those weeks was spent on a trip that I had planned with my daughter since February. It was our mother/daughter trip for her fall break. My son and hubby went on a fishing trip for their father/son outing.
Last week I had a full week of hitting the job fairs, job boards, online apps, temp agencies, and in-person resume drop offs. This week I have had a slow start at getting up to full speed again. That's where the "Sigh" comes in in the title of this particular blog post. I am tired. The Sigh-Fi is a play on words because things are a bit surreal right now too.
I still have an unshakable faith that God has been, is and will look out for me as His child. If I know how as a human, and I enjoy doing this for my children, I know He is much better at it than I am. I will rest in that knowledge. I am also not naive and I know "real life" happens to all of us. People lose their jobs, their houses, their faith, their loved ones every day. I pray that I have the strength to always hold onto my faith no matter what or who I lose in this life...I have it all to gain in eternal life.
I also have so much to be thankful for. On the trip I mentioned that I took with my daughter the timing was impeccable. Even though we had planned it since February who could've known that we would board the plane the next day after my last day at my job? God of course knew the timing months ago. It was perfect. We got to spend several days with my parents who I love dearly. I also got to see my brother, my sister and her family, my aunt and a cousin, and 3 long-time friends, one of whom is pregnant for the first time and just celebrated her 40th birthday. She looks absolutely adorable pregnant! She is in the class of women that I dedicate this blog to...new moms who are older and wiser when they get started on parenthood.
On this same trip I also got to visit my sister in another state who just moved into a new home...her first home that she can call her own. It is beautiful and she has decorated it and made it lovely. It was so fun for me and my daughter to be her first guests. She made us feel very welcome and at home.
That week of vacation was a true blessing and gave me nice dose of strength. It was a real gift from God and everyone involved.
I am grateful!
I had to count up how many days I've been unemployed...I was sure it was a month, but it's only been 2.5 weeks today. One of those weeks was spent on a trip that I had planned with my daughter since February. It was our mother/daughter trip for her fall break. My son and hubby went on a fishing trip for their father/son outing.
Last week I had a full week of hitting the job fairs, job boards, online apps, temp agencies, and in-person resume drop offs. This week I have had a slow start at getting up to full speed again. That's where the "Sigh" comes in in the title of this particular blog post. I am tired. The Sigh-Fi is a play on words because things are a bit surreal right now too.
I still have an unshakable faith that God has been, is and will look out for me as His child. If I know how as a human, and I enjoy doing this for my children, I know He is much better at it than I am. I will rest in that knowledge. I am also not naive and I know "real life" happens to all of us. People lose their jobs, their houses, their faith, their loved ones every day. I pray that I have the strength to always hold onto my faith no matter what or who I lose in this life...I have it all to gain in eternal life.
I also have so much to be thankful for. On the trip I mentioned that I took with my daughter the timing was impeccable. Even though we had planned it since February who could've known that we would board the plane the next day after my last day at my job? God of course knew the timing months ago. It was perfect. We got to spend several days with my parents who I love dearly. I also got to see my brother, my sister and her family, my aunt and a cousin, and 3 long-time friends, one of whom is pregnant for the first time and just celebrated her 40th birthday. She looks absolutely adorable pregnant! She is in the class of women that I dedicate this blog to...new moms who are older and wiser when they get started on parenthood.
On this same trip I also got to visit my sister in another state who just moved into a new home...her first home that she can call her own. It is beautiful and she has decorated it and made it lovely. It was so fun for me and my daughter to be her first guests. She made us feel very welcome and at home.
That week of vacation was a true blessing and gave me nice dose of strength. It was a real gift from God and everyone involved.
I am grateful!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
A view from a different angle...
Today is Thursday, October 2, 2008. On Tuesday, September 30, 2008 around 7:30 a.m. my boss called me from his cell phone to tell me that his business of 29 years had come to a screeching halt when his lender pulled the plug on him the night before, and that the company was closing down and that as of this Friday I won't have a job. He wasn't quite that blunt about it...he tried to be as gentle as possible in his tone. He and I have worked together for a year and a half now and have a very good working relationship based on trust. After all I practically run his daily schedule (work and personal) and know some extremely confidential info about it. He was as apologetic as he could be, trying to be sensitive to the funk that it would immediately put me and my family in, all the while he was overwhelmed with the fact that he has lost literally millions over the last 12 months and has to face the daunting task of shutting down all that he has worked for over the last 29 years.
This is the first time I've been laid off so it's new territory for me...a chance to grow in faith and see what God has in store for me, for my hubby, and my kids. I do not get paid for my upcoming PTO days, I do not get any kind of severance check. Nothing...just a thank you for the great job I did. And good luck.
As my hubby's business is not doing so well either, and my employment provided our family's health and dental insurance we are going to be faced with some pretty big challenges if I have to be unemployed for long.
I'll file for unemployment tomorrow (I have no idea what that will equal) and I have an interview with a temporary agency in the morning at 7:30 a.m.
Then on Saturday I venture out on a vacation that I've had scheduled for several months...a mother daughter trip to my home state...to see friends and family...that will be good medicine for my soul...hopefully it will renew my mind and emotions and help me get energized to come back and hit the job search hard.
God please have mercy on me...please give me favor as your child...for no other reason than that you are my heavenly father and you can move mountains for me...I understand that kind of love and favor...because I am a parent...and even with my earthly view I can understand that...how much more can you see it from heaven?
This is the first time I've been laid off so it's new territory for me...a chance to grow in faith and see what God has in store for me, for my hubby, and my kids. I do not get paid for my upcoming PTO days, I do not get any kind of severance check. Nothing...just a thank you for the great job I did. And good luck.
As my hubby's business is not doing so well either, and my employment provided our family's health and dental insurance we are going to be faced with some pretty big challenges if I have to be unemployed for long.
I'll file for unemployment tomorrow (I have no idea what that will equal) and I have an interview with a temporary agency in the morning at 7:30 a.m.
Then on Saturday I venture out on a vacation that I've had scheduled for several months...a mother daughter trip to my home state...to see friends and family...that will be good medicine for my soul...hopefully it will renew my mind and emotions and help me get energized to come back and hit the job search hard.
God please have mercy on me...please give me favor as your child...for no other reason than that you are my heavenly father and you can move mountains for me...I understand that kind of love and favor...because I am a parent...and even with my earthly view I can understand that...how much more can you see it from heaven?
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